Deadpool Moves In
by Extrememusic22
Summary: Peter Parker is basically the adopted son of the Avengers. He is also basically best friends with Deadpool. There are a lot of things Peter wants. Independence from an overbearing family. For Deadpool to move in so he knows that he's safe. And uh- yeah, sure, world peace, too. Of course. But mainly the first two things. [SPIDEYPOOL all the way] [NOW ON ARCHIVE]
1. Chapter 1

"You swallowed a grenade," Spiderman repeated, in shock.

Deadpool cracked his neck, "Yeah, that makes a pretty good hook. Gets their attention."

He ignored Deadpool's crazy talk, like he'd grown accustomed to. "Wade. . . what exactly are your powers?"

Deadpool laughed and stood up off the pavement. "You'll have to read my origin story like the rest of 'em."

Peter shook his head, "No, I mean, what are your capabilities? Are you immortal? Do you have a weakness? Do-"

"Sorry I'm not a Dungeons and Dragons character with printable statistics." Deadpool started walking away from the destroyed (thankfully vacant) factory building, just as police cars began pulling up. Another villain foiled by spideypool. [Well, foiled by Spiderman. You just made sarcastic comments and got in the way.]

{But he swallowed that explosion!}

[And grossed Peter out! What a fucking freak.]

"Shut up," Wade snapped, causing Peter to snap his mouth shut. Wade hadn't even realized he'd been talking.

"Okay," Peter said slowly, "So don't go to the X-men. But you need to find out more about yourself-"

"What? Ew. No thanks. What's tall and dark without the mysterious?"

Peter took a deep breath, and then blurted out, "You could come home with me."

Deadpool grinned behind his mask, "Not even dinner first?"

He rolled his eyes, "I mean, come to Stark Tower. Tony and Bruce could research you, maybe even help you-"

"I don't need help," Deadpool snapped, "and I especially don't need help from those Avenging Dicks-"

"Don't talk about them like that," Peter retorted, deadly serious. After a horrible car crash which killed both his parents, two year old Peter's cries were heard by a wandering Captain America. After some slight convincing, Tony agreed, and by extension the rest of the Avengers, to help raise the boy. Imagine their surprise when Peter turned 10 and developed spider powers after getting bitten by one of Bruce's experimental radioactive arachnids.

He didn't create a suit and identity until he turned 16. He loved his family, but for a Russian spy, an expert archer, a slightly mad scientist, a don't-make-him-mad scientist, and an American hero, they were a surprisingly over protective bunch.

Now that he was 20- no longer a mere teenager- he had finally convinced them to give him patrol duties. A responsibility that Deadpool had been quick to help with. Their first meeting was a little rough:

"Hey! That suit is copyrighted, asshole!" Deadpool shouted from behind Spiderman, who had been overlooking New York on the ledge of a skyscraper.

"Who are you?" Spiderman immediately took a fighting stance, webbing Deadpool's arms to his side.

"Someone's into bondage." Deadpool remarked with a raised eyebrow. Suddenly he gasped, "Wait a second. Are you _the_ Amazing Spiderman?!"

Peter stepped forward, unsure if he was dealing with a new supervillain or a superhero wannabe, "What's your name?!"

"Pool. Deadpool." He expertly grabbed his Katanas blade first and cut through the web. He held out a hand, that was gushing blood. "Pleasure to finally meet you. I've read all your comics! And- _okay_ \- some of your fanfiction. Just the fluff. I'm lying- just the slash."

And now, nights when Spiderman didn't run into the Merc with a Mouth seemed boring. And certainly a lot longer. Time flies when you banter.

"Trust me, Spidey. Me and the Avengers equals," he made a farting sound and gave two thumbs down.

"Wade." Said Peter, knowing that using his real name sometimes worked better, "You just swallowed a grenade. I saw you explode. You went _everywhere_ , and now-now you're-"

"Perfect as fuck," said Wade, giving a little twirl. "Just like always."

"But what if it's not always?!" said Peter, frustrated. "Look, I just don't want to see you get hurt."

Deadpool laughed, but his boxes were going nuts.

[DID HE JUST SAY THAT?!]

{He invited you over! WTF are you doing?! Say YES, moron!}

[SEX! SEX! SEEEEXXXX!]

"Let Tony take a look. Or Bruce." Peter persisted. "Then you'll know your limits."

"Once when I had sex with Harley Quinn, I said her safe word 24 times." Deadpool wrapped an arm around Peter's shoulders and they started walking away from the crime scene, "I think I know my limits. But if you really want to take me home so badly, then alright. Hawkeye owes me like 200 bucks anyway."


	2. Chapter 2

The Avenger's Tower was something Wade had only seen from afar (and once extremely up close when he accidently crashed a taxi into its side- in his defense, he is a great driver unless there are 4 bloody hostages also in his car).

When the elevator dinged open, Peter and Wade stepped out into an empty living room-ish area. It was spacious, with huge windows offering a beautiful view of New York from 50 stories up. There was a silver coffee table, a 60 inch television, and four long black couches, but despite the large open bar and harsh metal walls, the place had a comfortable feel. You could tell it was lived in.

"Greetings, young Peter!" Thor strolled in from the kitchen, half a pop tart in his hand. "And you bring a friend."

"Friend, lover," Wade stuck out a hand, "They're all just labels."

"Deadpool," Peter pulled up his mask so the true sharpness of his glare could be seen. "Thor, this is Deadpool. He's a-"

"Ah yes, I do recall your work in the past," Thor bellowed as he shook Wade's hand. Peter was glad he interrupted, because he had no idea how he was going to end his last sentence. Hero? Ish. Villian? Eh. Maybe just a friend.

Wade grinned, "That time when my target was the CEO of EXX Steel Corp. and he was also the supervillain you wanted to stop. You guys, getting publicity, me, doing all the work. Egypt 2k12! Fuck, that was so fun. Where's the rest of the fam bam?"

Thor looked quizzical as he took another bite of pop-tart, so Peter decided to chime in.

"Tony's probably in the lab, and he's the one we'll really need to convince, so let's go-"

"Convince me of what?" With the ding of the elevator, Tony entered the room, wiping his greasy hands with a towel.

Deadpool looked up and mumbled to himself, "Jarvis is such a snitch."

"Tony," Peter stepped forward, "Hey. So, I was just thinking that Deadpool never really got to know his super abilities, because of his . . . situation, and it would be really beneficial if he could learn his limits in a lab. Like here. If Deadpool stayed here."

"What'dya say, Dad?" Deadpool stepped forward and put an arm around Peter, who grew tense at the touch.

Tony's face was completely stoic. He walked towards the couches, Peter and Wade's eyes tracking him the entire way. Then he abruptly turned around and folded his arms.

"Under absolutely no circumstances will Deadpool be staying here or within 300 feet of this building. Peter, go change, and Deadpool, get out of here before I can put my suit on and physically kick you out of here."

Peter was upset, "Tony, he needs our help-"

Tony scoffed, "No, he needs a lot help, but not mine and definitely not yours. Now leave, Deadpool."

"This is so typical," Deadpool put his nose in the air and folded his arms, "After all I've done for you, this is my big payment-"

"Oh, you'd like to discuss what you've done?!" Tony's eyes filled with fury, "The car crash alone-"

"-It was one time! And you never reimbursed me for gas-"

"-and the way you behaved in Egypt-"

"Oh, you mean the way I saved the day in Egypt?! But do I get a thank you? Do I get a hero sandwhich? Do I get even a _cameo_ in Captain America: Civil War?"

"Everybody calm down!" Suddenly, appearing from the staircase, stood Steve Rogers, in a white v-neck, ready to try and defuse the situation. Both Tony and Wade, who'd been overlapping each other's shouts, snapped their mouths shut and turned their attention to Cap. "Now, what's the issue here?"

Peter jumped right in, "Steve, Deadpool needs somewhere to go so he can understand his abilities. Today, he swallowed a grenade and blew up, and now he's totally fine. But that doesn't mean that will always be the case. I just thought that part of being an Avenger meant helping anyone we can."

"Apparently including murderers," Tony injected.

Deadpool rolled his eyes, "Okay, you want to talk bloody pasts Tony _Stark_?"

" _Pasts_." Tony spat, "My past. Your _present._ "

"So he stops killing," said Peter, "It won't be easy, but he deserves a chance."

"Well, more like 45th chance," said Tony. "My answer is still no."

Steve glanced at him. "Tony, maybe-"

"No!" Tony stormed towards elevator, grabbing Steve by the arm and dragging him along, "We are going to conference with Fury about this, so once and for all everyone will be aware that Deadpool is strictly forbidden from even thinking about Avengers Tower."

Fury loved the idea.

"Deadpool has been a liability for years," said Fury from Tony's conference screen, "and now he's offering to not only let you perform tests, but keep him under a SHEILD designated roof? This opportunity is too good to pass up. Deadpool stays, direct orders."

Tony knew that it would cost about 900 dollars to fix the screen after throwing a stapler at it as hard as he could, but he did it anyway. Maybe they'd all be better off without SHEILD anyway.

When Peter heard the order, he was thrilled.

"This is going to be a great thing," he promised Wade as they walked down floor 36 to find Wade's designated bedroom.

"You know, I was thinking we'd be sharing a room," said Wade, innocently.

"I don't think bunk beds would fit," Peter replied, choosing to completely ignore any and all innuendos. And there were a lot.

They arrived at Wade's door, and Peter stepped inside, Wade watching him from the doorway, his mask still on.

"I just have to ask," Wade announced, "do you prefer top or bottom?"

Peter looked around Wade's room, which was a decent size. White carpet, a queen sized bed with a dark green comforter. A closet, a desk. He could already imagine it after Wade's redecorating. Lots of posters.

"I always ask for top," Peter said, desperately trying to hide his smirk, "but you get what you get."

Wade nodded, and Peter could practically feel his smile. "Amen."


End file.
